Trials and Errors

Everyone should have a hero

2006-05-14T20:52:35Z

My grandpa turns 85 today and I can say that he is one of the best people I have ever known. But at this time in his life he is not the man that he use to be. I feel selfish wanting him to be younger because I want to spend time with him. He is the most loving person I think I know and now in his old age it is hard for him to express it. And telling him how special he is may be something he forgets before he has a chance to remember it.

We had a party for him last night and there were moments of his youth coming through, but I don't know how many more years of that we have left. He is getting old and if you ever knew him when he was young it makes you want to cry. I hope that one day I will be half as great as he is. He is very special.

four months have past since my last confession. . .

2005-06-01T08:06:10Z

. . .but now to just talk of the last weekend and some other things running around in my head. This last weekend I had one the best times of my life celebrating the engagement of one of the best guys you will ever meet. I had the pleasure of being able to hang out with a gentleman by the name of Mike who may be the nicest guy in the world, as well as a pretty lucky guy to be marrying a fantastic girl named Julie. Aside from maybe Anne and Jim I don't think I have witnessed a better fit.

The whole weekend was planned perfectly from a night out at a local pub, to a day at the beach followed by a poker tournament with preceded a limo and clubbing in hollywood, to a baseball game a pub crawl in long beach. But, the thing that made the trip was the amazing people that I got to experience it with.

My friend's like John who planned everything and let everyone just enjoy the time to Justin making breakfast everyday for a dozen people. Friends like Mike and Julie who were always a joy to be around and Todd, Taylor and Christina who were always there to raise a glass. New friends like John "DOC" Dougherty, III aka Francis Clubhouse who was always there to joke, tell stories, while sharing a bloody and a smile. To Brandon setting us what with a club, to Kevin just being able to join us and make the weekend the best. Without him there the whole weekend would have been missing an element of greatness. To an old friend that I always love seeing like Tom Leo Core III aka Palm beach Tommy, who is quite possibly the most generous friend and most loyal.

The whole weekend felt like I was included in a family. That is how these people make you feel. They are the friends that have held up years and will hold up years to come. This weekend was a magical experience. It are people like those you share inside jokes with and tell stories about like those of legends. It is the love between those friends and couples like Mike and Julie that make us want to celebrate, to dance, to laugh, to hug, to spoon (in the case of John and Tom), to make fun of each other and to do it again. It is also what makes us want to toast.

So now I toast . . .to sleeping twelve to a house where you can find room, to improved music mixes on the freeway for hours, to the 710, to breakfasts over a hangover, to bloody marys to cure that hangover, to philly and the blacktop, to pastels especially sea-foam and lilac, to limos, to loaning someone your cellphone, to straights on the river, to burgers by the beach, to the power of love, to journey, to misfires, to day games, to being from that city, to photo hunt, farting in your sleep so loud it wakes you up, to shooting each other out of love, to being powered by coors light, to the inability to stop raving, to hand jobs and road head, and most of all to my friends who make me the luckiest person in the world. . . may they find the happiness that they bring me and may I be there to witness it.

the last 6 weeks

2005-02-02T06:04:02Z

a lot of things have happened in a very short period of time that has passed since i last wrote an entry. one very spectacular thing was that two great friends of mine got married. two people who i have shared a lot of hard times and celebrations with. anne, who i consider a sister and a person that i confide in and jim who for one magical summer, along with nat, i created some of the best art i ever have with. they are two people who really fit together. they made me long for a fit in my life. i have many people who fit a perfect part of my life, but no romantic one. i have john, justin, jonathan, michael, jesse who have been my best friends for years... i have andrew to challenge me in theater and school and to be someone in a similar stage in life ( and cheer for philly teams with ), i have brent to be a mentor and a guide, and brittany to be a female perspective, not to mention brad to always be a smiling face at work, but i don't have that love for anyone, that fit together that jim and anne have. i am soooo happy for them, and i hope to have what they have someday.

speaking of love... i had a dream the other night about my ex-roommate sarah. we had fallen very deeply in love, but it was a love that stemmed from our great freindship and almost out of nowhere we were in love. the only thing was that we both felt it could not work and when i woke up i felt that i had both discovered and lost love and spent the next hour feeling very numb. i often wonder if dreams like that are just dreams or deep down do i love the person in the dream, or do they care about me... i like to think so sometimes, but that might just be a search for that fit.

in that search for that fit a few weeks ago i messed around with someone that i absolutly regret. this isn't very like me and it really upset me. not only do i regret it, but i don't even like this girl. not as a hook up, a friend, a person...she actually just annoys me and to boot, i don't even think she's attractive. i didn't have fun hooking up during the hook up, it just caused personal grief all around. now i am always wondering when i'll she her next. i wouldn't mind not seeing her again, but that seems unlikely. i really just felt disappointment in myself.

so far since school has started i love my classes, but for some of them you would not know it based on my attendance. i have already gotten sick twice. once with the fever and throat thing and the last two days with the stomach flu. i know i have the reputation of not going to school and sometimes reputations are hard to break out of. it makes me upset with myself and i joke about it, but sometimes it gets me down. i never considered myself to be depressed, except in certain specific circumstances, but the lack of motivation i have when i am sick is just as bad at times. i love school, though. i love the classes, the people, and the theater department in general.

tonight was my first rehearsal for bleacher bums. i think we have a great team working on the show. i am excited and nervous to be working with them. it is the first time, maybe ever, that i don't know anyone involved in the production. i have a great challenge of being blind in the show. that is already a challenge and so much fun. as a cast we have the challenge of keeping the show and baseball game going. we also have the challenge of fitting all of us of the little stage at one time. it should be a great experience. i am very excited.

my life isn't the only complicated one. in fact it seems lie one of the most straight forward right now. i have people applying to law school, having kids, finding out they already have kids, taking care of sick parents, flying to philadelphia to divide parents belongings... the list goes on.

the last six weeks has taught me a lot about life and it seems like the weeks to come have the potential to teach me just as much.

"s"words

2004-12-18T00:43:43Z

the combat list got put up today. the class contains andrew, dane, clay, ian, cara, j-mac, christie, anna, joyce, sarah, maggie, and spencer. it should be a good class. i am excited to be doing the class again.

the macbeth fight for ATC is going to be saber, brent said. that should be fun as well. i would love to understudy a part as well, but i don't know if that will be possible.

blind leading the blind

2004-12-13T21:28:38Z

We had our first read through for bleacher bums over at invisisble theater and it was great. I am playing a blind baseball fan named Greg and it is going to be a great part. The cast already has a great feel to it. I really got a fun and loving feeling from the whole group and I am so glad to be doing some theater.

I told my parents about being in the show and I was worried about the reaction, but it turned out fantastic. My mom was elated and my dad was overwhelmed with joy, or at least as much as he can be when involving me acting.

i am just excited to get started on this project!!!!

wish upon a star

2004-12-09T21:01:39Z

Last night was the first attempt at throwing a party while charging a cover with mixed reviews. Some people said it was small, but I think that was because mostly of people's voice juries. Overall, the prom was a big success. There is something special about creating a party. It gives me a feeling that I don't get from anything else, even acting. I don't know why, exactly. It might be the control over the situation or feeling like you are letting this huge group of people get together, meet new people, and composing the events of the evening. The only event of the evening that worried me was that one girl drank too much and we had to call the fire department. She ended up ok and we got her a ride home.

The double edge sword of the parties is you feel so great that everyone is having a fantastic time, but you are stressed during the party about how you can make their time better or something else you can do more spectacular. Then, when you finally settle in that it is a good party, it is time to go and you start to worry about people getting home safe. Now I am fine with people having as much fun as they can, and even drinking as much as they want really... I just can't understand why people insist on wanting to drive drunk. We can always find people a ride, call a cab, or even shuttle people. It isn't worth someone getting hurt or worse. We throw these parties to come together as a community and have a great time, but the whole would be ruined if someone got in an accident. I love the parties and I love when people love the parties we throw, but we need to take care of each other a little better and not let people drive when they can't. I know that I have gotten too drunk at the parties I thrown before and someone has thankfully always taken care of me, thank God, but we all should take care of each other because we make a great family.

Premiere.

2004-12-02T04:42:26Z

Taking this puppy for a test drive.